It means that you are not seeing or acknowledging them as separate with a right to their own ideas, dreams or pursuits. For example, what the other person thinks, feels, or does is connected to you in some stained way, almost as if they are a psychological extension of you. If what they do aligns with your wishes then you are likely to value and validate them since it makes you “look good”, at least in your own eyes. But, if their beliefs and actions depart too much, or God forbid they are not following the path you ordained, then they are likely to be discounted in some way(s). Discounting can be expressed as anger or rage or extreme imagined “slights” may result in the connection with you being severed. The extreme narcissist (the opposite of self-knowledge) may even seek revenge. The narcissist is so weak and afraid inside that any evidence that they are not powerful (non-submission) must be quickly eliminated. Others are seen simply as opportunities to validate or invalidate their illusion of their own power and influence. In a convoluted way, when significant others do not align with them in important ways their deepest insecurities threaten to be revealed. These are the very insecurities that their idealized self was constructed to conceal. You only hope that they are not your boss, parent or spouse.

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