Oversubmission is almost as common as overcoercion as a parental excess in our culture.

In a nutshell, this is where the parent gives in to the child’s immature impulses and demands, often at the expense of their own needs and rights. As a consequence, the child becomes more and more demanding and learns to be less and less considerate of others rights. Sometimes one parent behaves in an over coercive manner and the other in an over submissive manner and the consequences of both exist in the same child.

Oversubmissive parents often experience their behavior as emanating out of “love” because they often equate submitting to the child’s whims and demands with loving them. But, little by little the child “gains territory” and often escalate to “temper tantrums”. Sensing the parent’s vulnerability, the child of the oversubmissive parent outsmarts them at their own game and demands that they demonstrate their love by doing what the child expresses as his wants and desires

Remember, children interpret realistic limits as love and can usually tell the difference between loving limits designed to meet their own needs and those imposed solely for the immediate comfort of the parents. One way to tell the difference is that the “best” parents often agonize about the right thing to do while the “worst” may know exactly what to do in each circumstance. In other words, the “best” believe in the existence of the child per se and see their role as preparing them to become their highest and best self in preparation for their own individual futures. In essence, they place the child’s immediate and long-term best interests above their own propensity to submit to the child’s immediate demands and see the links between what they choose to do in the short run and what will become of the child’s life in the long run.

Like over-coercion many first as well as only children are particularly influenced by over-submissive parents.

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