Learning to reduce the commands is one way of interfering with the demand-resistance cycle. This is not easy since the pattern is long-standing. Reducing the inner pressure will make you uncomfortable temporarily. The absence of “shoulds” disrupts the demand-resistance cycle and may create an anxious and destabilized feeling state. It requires a willingness to tolerate greater anxiety for a period of time in place of self-rebuke. The increase of anxiety that takes place when the demand-resistance cycle is interfered with can be a positive sign. It may signal that the over coerced child of the past has actually begun the process of liberating the creative parts of themselves. At first appearance, these new feeling states are likely to be experienced as ambiguous, and possibly dangerous. The subjective feeling of anxiety in the absence of the familiar “at home” feeling is a subjective warning signal that “danger” (the unfamiliar) lurks. Ironically, this feeling of anxiety may actually signal not danger but that you are treating yourself in a new and potentially better way. Usually the feeling of anxiety will gradually dissipate over time as greater confidence in your internal hopes and dreams replaces the security of the old “at home” but limiting pattern.
Satisfaction in achievement goes a long way toward undoing the demand-resistance cycles that characterized the over-coerced child of the past. Satisfaction without coercive threats weakens the links between commands and resistance. It instills confidence to act based on less conflicted motivation and gradually increases self-confidence, personal mastery and ultimately the rapture of being alive.
Here are a few ideas that have potential to transform the child limited by over coercion in childhood into an adult committed to greater effectiveness through personal mastery:
- Doing the harder thing by substituting “have to” with “want to”.
- Let yourself be guided by your biggest and longest range dreams. They are harder to resist in the moment.
- Develop mileposts that identify progress towards your biggest dreams while keeping your biggest dreams in mind.
- Celebrate each achievement along the way.
- Reflect on why achieving your biggest dreams is important to you and how your dreams relate to your purpose in life.